At its most basic point, the Mac Tools U.S. Nationals is a series of mechanical challenges. Team versus team. Team versus the track. Team versus the parts.

And, this year, Man vs. Door.

You can get yourself into trouble in a lot of ways at a race as big as the U.S. Nationals. You can get run over in the pits. You can misquote a racer or blow a big story. You can walk into the wrong restroom. Or you can get yourself locked into a tower suite.

I know. It happened to me.

This is my story.

It was late Sunday and all of my NHRA.com work was largely done. I stepped out onto the back deck of the Parks Tower for a little fresh air and some stress relief, then figured I'd climb up to the fourth floor and see what was going on in the National DRAGSTER suite that so grandly overlooks the track. (Honestly, we only have the suite because no one else was scheduled for it.)

I peeked in the window and it was empty. Advertising Manager Jeff Morton was done entertaining clients and had already closed up shop for the day. I tried the handle, and the latch half opened. I twisted a little bit harder and it opened fully. Suite!! I mean, sweet! I walked in, grabbed a Vitamin Water from the cooler, watched a few pairs of Alcohol Funny Car, and then was ready to head back to work. I twisted the handle on the door and it turned. Unfortunately, nothing inside the rest of the doorhandle mechanism did. The knob spun and spun with no affect on the latch. I was locked in our own suite.

Panic began to set in. No, I wasn't worried about surviving; there was a plate of six brownies still on the table and a cooler full of drinks. The real panic was having to face the embarrassment of calling someone for help.

"Uh, hello. This is Phil Burgess. Oh, I’m fine, but … y'see … um … I … um … am kind of in a jam."

I'd never live that down with my fellow staffers. There are legendary stories of staff miscues from decades past that still echo in our hallways and are dredged up each year to much amusement, and I'll be darned if I was going to end up as a new one.

The thinking man's toolbox: A ballpoint pen and a set of brownie tongs.

Fortunately for the fate of the entire Mac Tools U.S. Nationals, I'm no one-trick pony. I have skills beyond my mastery of the written world. You see, before landing here at National DRAGSTER 28 years ago, I worked facility maintenance at a large wheelchair factory, so door locks are something with which I having a passing familiarity.

The good news was that the lock was one of those KwikSet jobs; relatively simple if you can get into them. . and this would have been a snap if I had a screwdriver in my pocket but – and here comes the bad news – I had neglected to pack one for my trip.

I had a ballpoint pen. That's it. So I channeled my inner MacGyver. I used the ballpoint to depress the little spring-loaded button that holds the knob on, and it pulled right off. OK, that was the easy part. Now just two screws stood between me and freedom. Now what? Then I looked at the brownies. Next to the plate was a set of tongs, with triangle heads and a point, albeit rounded. If these had been regular screws, I would have been set. I could use the tongs to twist the screws; of course, they were Phillips-head screws. How appropriate. Philip screwed by Phillips screws.

I tested them for tightness. One was actually a little loose, but I couldn't get it to turn with my fingers. I jammed one end of the tong head into the middle, pushed hard, and turned … maybe, just maybe. It turned. Just a little, but it turned. Ten minutes later, both screws were out. I removed the backing plate and now all I had to do was push the rest of the lock out through the front of the door and reached inside the door hole and pull on the latch. Whew.

If only it were that easy. The knob spun freely but was caught up inside the door's hollow core, preventing me from shoving it out the other side. I wedged the tongs under the little t-shaped part of the latch that normally connects to the inside of the knob, but couldn't pull it far enough to unlatch the door. Curses! Foiled again.

It took a few more minutes of twisting the knob into just the right place and shoving it as far inside the door as possible to gain the millimeters I needed, but I finally got it done and the latch clicked open with a satisfying snick.

Free at last, thank Garlits I'm free at last.

I snatched victory from the jaws of defeat, so that, "OMG, do you remember when Phil got locked in the suite; that was soooo funny" will now go into the annals of ND Indy fame as "How cool is he?"  At least that's how I see it.