The second day of action at the Mac Tools U.S. Nationals presented by Lucas Oil provided some memorable moments during the first session of qualifying in the Professional classes, and I chose to express my daily recaps through the majesty of movie quotes. Few movies are as quotable as the Will Ferrell vehicle Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, so let’s get this party started. (movie quotes in bold)

It's a formidable scent... Stings the nostrils... In a good way.
Thursday at the Mac Tools U.S. Nationals presented by Lucas Oil is typically a long day that builds a great amount of anticipation for the first, distinctive whiff of nitromethane. Nitro is an addicting fragrance that is never denied, unlike the fictional Sex Panther cologne which boasts the motto: “60-percent of the time, it works every time.”

I don't know how to put this, but I'm kind of a big deal.
Antron Brown is the big man on campus this year in Top Fuel. So what? Larry Dixon has four wins and five final round appearances in the last five races if you discount the Western Swing, and the Alan Johnson/Al-Anabi Racing team added to its growing swagger with a No. 1 qualifying effort to start off the event. Not a bad way to impress the Sheikh.

Great Odin's raven!
Half of the top 12 spots in Top Fuel are comprised of nontouring drivers looking to make their mark at the Big Go. Rod Fuller was the best of the bunch, driving Bob Vandergriff Jr.’s Caterpillar entry into the No. 3 spot with a 3.88 that held as No. 1 for most of the session. Bruce Litton, Troy Buff, Del Cox Jr., legendary Chris “the Greek” Karamesines, and Terry Haddock are also giving hope for the little guys.

We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.
Robert Hight was only separated from crew chief Jimmy Prock for one race, but they reconnected here because of the medical circumstances with Austin Coil with one shot left to get into the Countdown to 1. The Prock Rocket went straight to No. 1 with a 4.10 at 305 mph. It could be a long weekend for 10th-place combatants Matt Hagan and Cruz Pedregon.

Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you, to stop what you're doing and listen. Cannonball!
As exciting as the first round of Pro Stock qualifying session was, the conclusion was exactly the same as it has been in most instances this season. Mike Edwards made a nice run and used the horsepower made from his Charlotte-based engine shop to lead the pack once again.

I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am.
It’s human nature for a man to want to prove his mettle after experiencing a setback. Pro Stock’s Allen Johnson suffered a surprise DNQ in Reading two weeks ago, but he made sure that wasn’t going to happen again when his Hemi propelled him to a fine 6.64 that held as No.1 until he was bumped to No. 4 in the final two pairs.

What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing.
Ron Burgundy’s fictional mutt, Baxter, is amazing indeed, so I hope comparing him with the No. 1 ranked driver in the Ringers Gloves Pro Bike Battle is taken as the compliment for which it’s intended. Nobody knows quite how Hector Arana keeps making amazing happen on the Lucas Oil Buell V-Twin during qualifying, but his adversaries voice few complaints about the likable veteran. With help from Larry Morgan on the engines and a lot of grit and experience, Arana has been downright impressive with his runs, his riding (even though his lights leave something to be desired), and his continued progress.

Knights of Columbus, that hurt!
The crowd was impressed when Karen Stoffer lit up the scoreboard with a 6.95 at 196 mph, which would have been the third-fastest speed in Pro Stock Motorcycle history had it been a legit time. Shawn Gann had red-lighted by a bunch in the other lane and tripped the beams in her lane when he took out a cone at the top end. It was too bad for Stoffer, because she was on a great pass in the 6.96-to-6.98 range as evidenced by her stellar 1.05 60-foot time and her incremental times after that. Stoffer sighed it off with a positive twist. Said Stoffer, “Something crazy always happens to us in Indy. The way I look at it, at least it’s over and done with on the first day.”

He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr and suits so fine they made Sinatra look like a hobo.
Although his time in competition ended on Thursday in his Stock eliminator debut, nobody commands respect at O’Reilly Raceway Park at Indianapolis like the legendary “Big Daddy” Don Garlits. His presence alone adds prestige to the biggest event of the year.

Prepare yourselves for an exciting day of racing on Saturday. More importantly: stay classy, Indianapolis. I’m Brad Littlefield?