I hate gossip...always have. I try not to spread it, and I do my best to avoid receiving it. In the interest of full disclosure, I certainly am guilty of speaking about people when I shouldn’t, and also of spreading rumors without substantiating them. So, I shall plead guilty of a small level of hypocrisy, but I do try and make an effort to maintain as much dignity and objectivity as I can.

Why all the hubbub, you ask? Well, this time of year the NHRA is rampant with gossip, rumors, and crazy stories. Some of these actually turn out to be true (who would have thought that Del and Larry Dixon BOTH would be gone from Al-Anabi at the end of this season?), which seems to feed the fire for the ones that are completely without substance. I heard from no less than a dozen people that I was to be driving for Jim Dunn next year... not true. Jon Dunn actually lives within a half-mile of us, and he and I both were amazed at how far that rumor had spread.

Anyway, after all the uncertainty with our team leading into 2011, I eschew any rumors about us. It appears that everything is status-quo (I think that means, “hunky-dory”) with our crew, sponsors, and driver for next year, and I think no news is good news as far as that goes.

Another rumor I’ve heard is that drivers don’t do anything in the off-season. Some folks think we’re part bear, and that we fatten-up for the holidays, and then hibernate until pre-season testing rolls around.

The ladder/truck/stapler combo will set you back about a grand, but it comes in real handy around the holidays!

While Jason supervised and made sure our Little Giant Ladder was sturdy enough, I had the honor of installing the star.

Speaking of star, ours took time out to check his stock portfolio once the tree was decorated. He and Jenna are thoroughly enjoying the expensive new recliner chairs. I’m relegated to sitting on a milk crate with an old pillow for cushioning!

Hey, 21st kid from the left (5th from the right for those of you who don’t like to count double-digits).

A couple of things that I didn’t remember about Judy Thompson (who basically helped run Lions for the first 7 years): One, I wasn’t aware that she was so tall, and two, that’s some fancy Joe Amato hat she’s wearing!

Larry Sutton started ‘em, and John Ewald shot ‘em (including that sequence of Garlits cutting Swamp Rat 13 in half in the background).

Dennis Swearingen, Brent Cannon, Steve Gibbs, John Rasmussen, and Don Long surrounding the only guy there that never got to go to Lion’s!

Courtney Force and I compared signatures... and teeth. She was better on both counts! Shouldn’t I get huge bonus points for getting a Valvoline shirt into the Force headquarters?

Two very remarkable people that I would never have met without being a part of BRAKES. Nathaniel and his mom Annette underscore how powerful a parent’s love can be.

Though I doubt if I’ll be nominated for the “Hardest-working Man of 2011” award, I have tried to keep as busy as possible (unless the wind is over 25 mph and the outside temperature falls below 58 degrees... then all bets are off, and I’m on the couch watching History Channel!).

No, contrary to rumors of my laziness (many of which I have perpetuated upon myself), I think I have managed to squeeze nearly a week’s worth of work into the past month (yep, that’s exactly the way I intended to write it). Consider the following examples:

My trusty Nissan has been noisier than usual. Though it would be tough to hear with the radio on (only the passenger side speaker still works, so I really have to crank it up to listen to talk radio), and even tougher to hear once you get past 50 mph and the wind noise takes over, there was something amiss in the steering wheel. If you read this blog, you know that I can fix anything (And I can sing, dance, and juggle. It’s my story; I can embellish all I want). Anyway, what would be the harm in removing the steering wheel, just to take a peek? Of course, I always start my outdoor mechanical projects around dusk, so I got to hold a flashlight in my mouth for most of the disassembly. Seems the genius engineers at Nissan didn’t want just any idiot removing their airbags (and I’m not just ANY idiot!), so they installed tamper-proof Torx fittings to retain it. Now I was faced with a true dilemma: Spend 17 bucks or just deal with the clunking sound every time the steering wheel was rotated. So, after a trip to the local NAPA store, I am now the proud owner of a new set of Torx bits. Off came the airbag, and the problem was immediately obvious... sort of. There is a 10-ounce chunk (I weighed it!) of cast iron that apparently was rubber vulcanized to the inside of the steering wheel. Over the course of 249,000 miles, and bumping into several objects, pulling out tree stumps, and general misuse, mine is now un-vulcanized. My guess is that Nissan must have used it as a cheap solution to a vibration problem. Well, my truck has prepared me well for driving a fuel Funny Car, as anything past 60 mph results in, shall we say, a “less than Cadillac-like ride.” My choices seemed to be easy: epoxy this thing back in and hope it holds, or remove it and crank up the stereo. Just in case the ride quality deteriorates, I’ve equipped the glove compartment with Advil, Ben Gay, Dry Ice, and Ace Bandages.

Silly to repair such a vehicle, you say? Perhaps, but just days later my Little Red Dragon proved the perfect work platform for my newest toy: the Little Giant Ladder. Yes, I thought I had purchased the ultimate ascending device, something that would revolutionize my work around (and on top of) the house. I suppose I should have taken some simple measurements before allowing myself to become so smug, as even my 19’ wonder doesn’t get you close enough to the top of the house to staple up Christmas lights. Once I placed the ladder in the bed of the Nissan, I was now 2 feet closer to my goals! Long story short... I need a longer ladder, a taller truck, or the ability to drive the forklift up into the bed of the Nissan, then put the ladder on it. Ooh...that gives me an idea!

Yeah, once I realized there was NO way of reaching to the top peak of the second floor from the ladder, I thought I could get up on the first floor roof, pull the ladder up onto it, lay it across the gabled portion of the second floor peak, climb up on top of that roof, then lean over and staple the lights underneath me. It sounded perfectly feasible, and I made a couple of attempts. Apparently I either had a sudden dose of common sense, or I just plain ran out of testosterone about 3 feet from my goal. That’s why our home does NOT have lights at the highest peak, and that’s no rumor!

While in the Yuletide mood, we headed over to pick up our Christmas tree. I must say, I hardly noticed any vibration in the pickup while hauling the tree home! Jenna thought I should have the folks at the tree lot cut the bottom of the trunk square, but I pooh-poohed that idea. I’m a MAN, I have a chainsaw, and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to show my son how we do things at the Beckman household! So... after about 30 seconds of trying, I realized the blade on my saw was history. No worries, as I have a spare... which was just as dull. About 3 minutes into cutting the tree with a handsaw, I was thinking that Jenna’s idea sounded pretty good. Let’s not tell her.

Jason and I got up before 6 a.m. on the 10th. No, we weren’t heading out to IHOP for an all-you-can-eat pancake buffet... this was even more special. We got to see the last lunar eclipse until 2014 (and, if you believe that the world will end on 12/21/12, like the Mayans predicted, then this WAS the last one).

Speaking of Jason, our little man got back his first set of school photos. He looks so handsome, and I’m so happy. Growing up with severe eye allergies, I don’t think I ever took a school photo where I didn’t look like an idiot.

On a cold December evening, our little boy also did his first school performance, singing in the Norco parade with his Wee People class. It was very adorable...and it was very cold!

I was able to attend the Lion’s Dragstrip reunion, held at the NHRA Museum. Brent Cannon and I headed over to partake in the tales, hang with the legends, and have a great evening. I unfortunately never attended the fabled track, as it closed nearly a year before I witnessed my first race at OCIR. However, listening to Judy Thompson (then-wife of Mickey, who opened the track in 1955), Tom McEwen (who probably made more runs in a supercharged car there than anyone else), Tommy Ivo, and Bill Bagshaw (who, along with McEwen and Carl Olson, was a Pro winner at the Last Race on December 2, 1972) regale the audience with stories was nearly as good. Larry Sutton, who flipped the starting line switch at so many events, especially at Lion’s, may have had the best recollection of any of the panelists... and he had some fantastic stories!

Just looking around the room was awe-inspiring. Art Chrisman, Dode Martin, Jimmy Scott (who won Competition Eliminator at the Last Race), Don Prudhomme, Bob Muravez, Roland Leong, Linda Vaughn and dozens of others made this a day to remember. Next year will be the 40th anniversary of the closing, and I hope there will be an even bigger gathering to commemorate it. It was really cool seeing my Uncle John there. He’s been attending races since 1964, when he went to San Fernando Raceway (manager Harry Hibler was also in the room), and he’s the one who got me hooked.

I once again had the honor of signing at the John Force Toys-For-Tots Holiday Car Show. John continues to do so much for this sport, and I’m just thrilled that he has included me in so many special moments. They absolutely pack that area, and I heard they were WAY into the hundreds in car-count for the show, plus thousands of fans.

I headed over to Pomona to speak at the BRAKES (Be Responsible and Keep Everyone Safe.... Doug Herbert’s remarkable driver-education program for teens) driving school, and met some fantastic people. Tom Compton, president of the NHRA, had enrolled his youngest daughter... that’s how highly respected this course truly is. After I spoke at the end of the first of two classes, I listened to Annette and Nathaniel Young recount what happened to ‘Nat’ back in 1998. He was a passenger (16 years old), driving with his three buddies down the freeway. When the driver lost control at a high speed (no alcohol was involved), the car ran off the road, flipped, and landed on its roof. The other three young men lost their lives, and Nat spent months learning how to talk, eat, walk, and go to the bathroom all over again. Now 29, he still shows the remains of the night that nearly ended his life... all because of one bad decision. Doug’s program (Both Jon and James Herbert died in a very similar accident to Nathaniel’s) is aimed at saving families this type of heartbreak, through a very rigorous driving course that benefits all who attend. I am such a huge supporter of BRAKES, and please consider becoming a sponsor (ALL classes are driven by donations). Listening to a mother tell the painful story of the night she almost lost her son, then having to basically re-raise him like an infant... that was very impactful.

After speaking about something like that, I feel a bit guilty for complaining about events around our house of late, but we have suffered through some trying times. Yes, the Beckmans have been without a dishwasher for the better part of a week! I know, you’re probably wondering how we even managed to go on, but somehow we found the strength. Fortunately I was able to fall back on my teenage skills of manual-dishwashing (come to think of it, why the hell do we even have a dishwasher; we always scrub everything before loading into it anyway!), and Jenna and I rallied together to persevere through this most difficult of times. Seems our little GE warrior had been smelling funny lately, so we ordered another heating coil for it (if that doesn’t fix it, I’ll see if there’s a loose 10-ounce weight floating around somewhere).

Apparently Jenna and I jumped to an unreasonable conclusion when we ordered the part online. See, we assumed that, when the place told us the part was “in stock,” and would ship the next day, that that meant it would ship the next day. Silly us! What we should have assumed is that they meant the part was in stock “somewhere,” and that it would ship on the day that they decided to ship it. Anyway, what doesn’t tear a marriage apart only makes it stronger, and I think Jenna would agree with me that this potential calamity has just made our bond that much stronger. Plus, all that Palmolive has made my hands much softer! (That joke is for those over 40).

Today we headed over to the Bass Pro Shops to get our Santa pictures taken. Doesn’t that sound kind of weird: “Santa pics at Bass Pro Shop”? Well, it was Layla’s first time, and Santa was kind enough to endure long enough to snap a few shots for our scrapbook. I told Santa that I wanted a rubber-vulcanizing kit to fix my pickup steering wheel, and a four-foot extension for my ladder!

Time for me to sign off. Tomorrow I fly back to Indy to have a seat insert made for our new chassis. Fortunately, this trip will also allow me to attend the annual DSR Christmas party, where I’ll have the chance to hang out with my guys AND all the shop people who support all seven teams (and never get enough praise). I just hope they don’t expect me to dance. Or sing. Or buy drinks!

Stay tuned, quite gossiping, be safe on your ladder, smile for Santa, and support BRAKES!