Did I forget to pay my cable bill? Perhaps I was rude to one of the server’s at Denny’s, or an attendant at Disneyland (oops, I was just informed that they are called “cast members”). Maybe I exceeded the speed limit too many times while traversing the country in the motorhome, or could it be that I didn’t give money to all those folks with the cardboard signs reading, “Will Work for Food”? (By the way, nearly all of them won’t).

I’m worrying lately that I have offended, and that I’m paying my “karma” dues right now. That’s the only reason I can think of to explain our lack of success lately at the dragstrip, and I intend to do everything in my power to change that...soon!

If you are wondering about the title of this latest blog, I took it from (Meaning, I plagiarized it. Meaning...I stole it {oops, is that more bad karma?}) that TV show My Name is Earl. The only episodes I’ve been able to watch have been from a hotel room when I used air travel to get to the races. It’s a funny show, and the premise is very interesting: Apparently the protagonist (meaning “main character”) did some things growing up that he wasn’t very proud of. You know, lying, cheating, stealing...that sort of stuff. It’s a good thing that he wasn’t a Senator or Congressman, otherwise he wouldn’t be feeling any sense of guilt, and that would ruin the point of the show. Anyway, I digress; Earl has a list of all the people that he wronged, and his endeavor (meaning mission, undertaking, purpose) is to “fix” all those bad deeds by doing good things. So lately I’ve figured, what the heck...I’m up for giving that a try as well!

Shoot, just my few days in Vegas should boost my Karma Meter back into the full zone, and winning Pomona should be pretty much a lock for our team. Let me tell you what I mean:

This bear had Tia and Kristen to chose from, and it wanted to nibble on my head. Silly bear, you've had too much Coke!

Last blog I mentioned that I had to head back out Tuesday night to Vegas. I needed to start my schedule of Wednesday events at 11 am, which began with a trip to Coke World on the Strip. Somehow I think that “coke” and “strip” have been used together in plenty of Vegas conversations! Anyway, I was doing an autograph session out front for Full Throttle and NHRA (I know those two have been used together in the same sentence). After hanging out with Bill, Tia, Kristen, and whoever was wearing that Polar Bear outfit for an hour, it was time for stop #2: the Stratosphere.

My lunchtime appearance was for the NHRA/ Las Vegas press event, held in the restaurant at the top of the Stratosphere. Hanging out with Bob Frey (he’s the guy who uses “NHRA/Full Throttle” together all the time) before the event started, he made a comment to me on how stupid someone would have to be to do that “free fall” jump/ride. He walked me over to show me the jumping off platform, which made me feel a bit queasy for two reasons: One, it was 855 feet above the Vegas Strip, and two, I volunteered to jump the next night for charity (I should have had “Earl” take my place)! Once my hands stopped shaking, Bob and I had lunch, and he then emceed the press conference, which also featured John Force, Cory Mac, and Tony Schumacher.

Speaking of Cory Mac, I have two things: One, I hope he finds a ride immediately. He and I have become pretty good friends, and that guy isn’t done winning yet. I am pretty devastated that his contract wasn’t renewed at DSR, as I know he is. Secondly, some people shouldn’t be allowed to have keyboards! (Not you musicians...I am referring to the mentally incompetent who feel the world is entitled to their opinions on every subject known to mankind). Jenna read all kinds of crap on the internet from folks who have absolutely zero information on the details of Cory’s release. Don Schumacher didn’t drop this bombshell on Cory before the last race as an act of cruelty...it gives Cory time to look for other opportunities. And whoever the idiots are that think Cory is leaving because Don wants Tony (his son) to finish the highest of the DSR dragsters...you guys should be PUSHED off the Stratosphere.

Okay, I’m getting carried away, and I really don’t feel that violence is the answer here, but it’s so frustrating to read some of the B.S. on the internet. A buddy forwarded me a thread featuring several people discussing how I got caught on ESPN drinking a beer before making a run.  Seriously...these folks obviously don’t have a DVR (or that “filter” thing in your brain that encourages you to think through something before letting your fingers send something PERMANENT out on the internet), otherwise they could have rewound and been amazed at the fact that I took a swig of a Full Throttle (Agave flavor), and was having some fun with the ESPN crew. Seriously, think before typing, or at least before hitting the “send” button. Alright, I’m done venting...for now.

Once I concluded my first two acts of kindness and goodwill, it was time to get the RV pulled into the racetrack, parked, and leveled. After that I headed up to the starting line to help NHRA’s Rick Quezada with the sponsor’s race. (Most Wednesday’s at NHRA events there are groups from Coke, or the presenting sponsor, that get to race in stock Ford cars). I hope I didn’t offend anyone by telling them that my Dodge Charger could beat the pants off those Ford Focus’! Damn, that’s one more for my “Earl list”.

Wednesday night I did my annual Speedway Children’s Charities poker game. I again exceeded all of my goals: Don’t be the first to lose; don’t be the first at my table to lose; and don’t be the first driver to lose. Plus, I didn’t have to wait around those boring last couple of hours like the 10 who made the final table had to!

Thursday I did my twice-a-year Nellis Air Force Base hospital visit. I enjoy seeing all the veterans and spending time with the staff, including the many friends that I have met over my 10 visits there. Pam Robinson, who was responsible for starting my visitations back before I was a full time nitro driver, flew back from her new residence in Michigan just to be a part of visit # 10 (that’s English for “diez”). Reaching that milestone (meaning, “achievement”, or “significant event”) alone should guarantee me some good fortune in the future! So too should using so many thesaurus references within parenthesis on this blog!

To be honest, I can’t remember what I did next after returning to the track following my hospital tour. Knowing me, and knowing I didn’t want to risk offending anyone else and bringing about more bad karma, I probably just took a nap. Jenna, Jason, and Cindy weren’t coming out until much later that night, as Cindy had to work a full day. I do know that I eventually headed over to New York, New York (I’m not stuttering, and I’m referring to the casino, not the City/State) for the DSR autograph session. Ironically, we were doing the signing because the hotel was hooking us up with rooms, and I’m the dumb bastard that decided to stay at the track in the motor home, meaning I also had to make the 3/4 hour drive (we’ll just round it up to 45 minutes for you metric types) to be there.

Just before I jumped from 108 stories high. A word of advice: Remove the potato from your pants BEFORE jumping, or it will end up in your sock!

After a couple hundred autographs, one Jack and Coke, and some deep breathing exercises, it was time to head over to the Stratosphere and jump off...literally! Melanie Troxel had set this up as a challenge to several of the NHRA male drivers, and I think that took some...(word that starts with “b” and rhymes with “falls”), metaphorically speaking! The turnout was surprisingly good. After Mel, Allen Johnson (the Pro Stock driver, not the fuel tuner), Clay Millican, me, Cory Mac, Katie Sullivan, and probably a half dozen (okay, make it six for you algebraic folk) more made the jump. I saw lots of Pro Stock riders do it, which explains a lot about their sanity. I was encouraging Clay and Cory to do a tandem jump, but apparently that was against regulations. It really was a pretty cool experience, and not nearly as terrifying as climbing that telephone pole with Coach Scott Garwood back in Indy (see previous blogs). You fall at a steady rate, and the “ride” lasts long enough to have some fun. Going at night may have helped my fear of heights, as too much visibility in my opinion could only cause more concern (meaning, “wanting to pee your pants”).

Friday, long before qualifying started, we started hustling money. No, none of this was a crime in any way, and this certainly should  make my “good deeds” list longer. I really have to give credit where it is most due; Jenna, and especially her mother Cindy, really were the stars (meaning “got stuck with the bulk of the work”) of this fundraiser. Also, thanks to LuAnn Bishop and her staff of wonderful hospitality folks, and to Don for allowing us to utilize our hospitality area for a great cause.
 

All my healthy friends: Chief Paul, Ceil, Superman, Pam, Sarah, Chelle, Colonel Allen, and David. These folks made sure I stayed sterile for my entire visit. Um ... I mean that I was sanitized. That is to say, I kept my hands clean!

Oops, I guess I should let you know what I’m rambling about; We used Friday and Saturday to raise operating funds for the RFC (Racers for Christ) Kids program. Though I’m not religious, I can’t say enough for what William and Stacy Zahorsky do for all children (racer families or fans) at the races they attend. They have arts and crafts and other neat things to keep the youngsters occupied and happy for several hours, and Jason just loves their daughter Kristen.

We decided to do something for them because they would never ask for our (or anyone else’s) help, and we found out they were responsible for raising all their own funding and operating expenses.
We again offered a “ride-along” program (we did this at the first Vegas race for my cancer fundraiser, and it was very well received), with many nitro teams participating. I think we had something like a dozen separate teams volunteering to do this for RFC Kids, and once the momentum got going we actually had to turn fans away. We also held another silent auction, with lots of teams and drivers donating some great equipment and souvenirs for the fans to bid on. All told, we raised $6200, which really made us all feel fantastic. I think that amount of money should be able to be treated like bail. In other words, didn’t I just buy myself six grand worth of “get out of jail” immunity? I have a better idea; how about I just use $1500 “credit” per round at Pomona...that’ll get us four win lights on race day with money to spare!

(Above) Captain Reynolds couldn't figure out why there was no altimeter, mach meter, or ejection seat in my cockpit. I asked if he, too, always carried a Sharpie on those crucial missions.(Below) Nicci, Rick and I were going to submit this photo to the American Dental Society for their "Smile of the Year" campaign.
(Above) If only Jason had worn his webbed underwear, cleanup time would have been significantly reduced! (Below left) Jonna Dunn, Kristen Z. and Jenna Arend keeping Spidey company. I'm guessing he hadn't started to smell bad at this point. (Below right) While I was at the SEMA Show, Jason and Hannah went on a date to see the lions.

Other cool stuff going on during my Vegas work week involved Rick and Nicci Gustavus paying our team another visit. If those names sounds familiar to you, they not only helped staff the cancer fundraiser booth at Virginia Motorsports Park earlier this year, but they bought BOTH of the race packages that we offered on eBay, utilizing one of them for the Charlotte race. If Nicci would just get her CDL, and Rick figured out how to repair carbon fiber, they could come to every race! I also got to spend plenty of time with my new Air Force buddy, Captain Matt “Burt” Reynolds, who flies an F-16 in the Aggressor Squadron at Nellis. Basically, he is the equivalent of “Viper” and “Jester” from Top Gun, responsible for trying to shoot down as many of our pilots in mock combat scenarios as possible. People like him are the reason that ours and NATO’s pilots should not be messed with! Matt is a diehard race fan, and will attend the Frank Hawley School the next time it rolls into Vegas. He accompanied us in the tow vehicle for one qualifying run, got to go stand between the cars to experience two nitro funnys (as a coordinator for event flyovers, apparently he has some pull with NHRA), and I let him sit in my cockpit after we were all done on Sunday.

Saturday night most of the kids did their Halloween trick-or-treating, and Jason was no exception. We have been very fortunate to find so many caring kids at the races who take wonderful care of our little guy. Kristen Zahorsky, Jenna Arend, Hannah Vandermeer and Jonna Dunn all helped make Jason’s Vegas experience memorable (and we didn’t have to pay them anything to baby-sit!). Many of the race teams put up some cool displays for Halloween, so it was nice to see Jason come back with so much candy. Karen Stoffer and the Geico Pro Stock Bike team are always in the “spirit” (hey, that’s kind of funny) of the holiday, so that usually is stop #1 (and #6, and #10). My little hero dressed up as Spiderman this year (Jenna actually bought him that costume plus “Woody” from Toy Story just in case he had a meltdown and decided he didn’t want to spin webs). Unfortunately, ‘Spidey’ decided to drop a “deuce” (meaning, “nature’s tootsie-roll”) in his super hero shorts, and I had to rush him into the trailer to do an emergency decontamination exercise. Ah, he’s still my little baby!

Speaking of crappy, that was about as good as our Vegas got. All this karma-inducing activity, yet we only were able to cash in one round win worth of it in Sin City. That’s why I’m so confident going into Pomona, and I think even Earl would agree with me. Though we qualified in the bottom half of the field, we did get past Bob Bode in the first round. Come to think of it, Bode has to have an enormous amount of positive vibe around him...that cat is just too nice to have any bad    “juju” (that’s a Tommy Delago term, not mine), so perhaps we did use a bit of our magic pixie dust in that win. Apparently we had an excess of it in round two, causing us to drop a cylinder, knock all the teeth off the blower belt, and lose to Ashley Force-Hood. Now that I really analyze all my data, Ashley donated a lot of nice stuff to our auction, and perhaps that tipped the scales of fortune her way more than we could overcome. It’s just a working theory right now...I’m not married to it, so don’t go quoting me all over the internet. Yes, you who tends to post on every single event that transpires...stop! You’re being watched, so quit making comments that will last into infinity on things you don’t have the facts on!

Oops...I thought I had gotten off of that soapbox earlier, but now I think I have it out of my system.

We tested Monday to try to find what had ailed us. After four runs, we are definitely more confident going into this last race at Pomona.

On Space Mountain at Disneyland. I'm glad I've outgrown making silly, stupid gestures when you get to the photo portion of the ride!

Needing desperately to score some more mojo before leaving Vegas, Tuesday I headed over to the SEMA show and spent time signing in the Mopar display area with Hagan, Capps, V. Gaines, and Allen Johnson (the Allen who jumped off of the Stratosphere, not the nitro tuner). After that, I had some free time before having to be at the NHRA booth, so I headed over to see my buddies at Mechanix Wear and signed at their display for awhile.

Tuesday night we followed Dick, Kathi, and Hannah Vandermeer over to Bob and Jackie Miller’s house for dinner. Bob was the fire chief in LaVerne (adjacent to Pomona) for years, and we had become good friends and fellow competitors in Super Comp. Then he got smart and sold all of his racing equipment after moving to Henderson, NV. I hadn’t spent more than a couple of minutes with the two of them for a few years, so it was great to go over there. Besides, they were missing their PT Cruiser (we bought it from them), so we drove it over there for a reunion of sorts.

Wednesday: home. Thursday: surf. Friday: can’t remember. Saturday: NHRA Fanfest appearance at the UTI campus in Rancho Cucamonga (First off, who on earth would name a city that, and secondly, isn’t a UTI what makes it burn when you have to use the restroom?  Oh, totally different deal...my mistake!) Where was I? Ah, yes: Sunday: surf, and celebrate my fourth anniversary with the best wife that I have ever had. We went to Disneyland and ran into our friends Brandon and Michelle, and the rest I can’t remember. Monday and Tuesday: can’t remember. Wednesday: can’t remember, followed by writing this blog.

And, hopefully, Thursday through Sunday: taking my karma, mojo, juju, good fortune and positive vibes right into the winner’s circle at the Finals!

Stay tuned, and stay away from Earl!