I realize that I am taking a verse from the 14-time champ’s repertoire (that’s French for, “what the hell just happened?”) with the title that I’ve used, but I feel fully vindicated. I’ll explain later.

My flight into Bristol was typically uneventful, though landing at midnight at a small airport can present some challenges. Fortunately, my limousine (that’s Latin for “Bill Taylor’s Excursion”) was waiting. My father Bob and Bill (who my dad met while working at Bell Helicopter in Dallas, and I met when we displayed Dexter Tuttle’s Top Fuel car at the Bell plant in 2005) had done the “Thelma and Louise” road trip from Texas (without the driving off the cliff part or making out with Brad Pitt) and were right on time to get me. My dad and I roomed together for the weekend, which I don’t recommend to anyone. You see, I like TV, and I don’t like going to bed early. Combine that with the time difference, and soon it was 2:30 a.m., and I was still wide awake. Though the first qualifying session wasn’t until after 3 p.m. the next day (which meant I wouldn’t have to be at the track until after noon), I had committed to speaking at the Army YES program and had to be there at 8:45. Keeping in mind that our second run wasn’t until 8 p.m., and Friday was one long day for me.

Up at 7:15 a.m., breakfast at Cracker Barrel (breakfast EVERY day was at Cracker Barrel, so I think I’ve had my fill for the next month or so), a short trip to the racetrack, and let the festivities begin! At 42, I still am in pretty good shape, and I’ve always been fairly nimble (that’s Greek for “overestimating one’s abilities”). That being said, jumping over the temporary fencing probably wasn’t my most intelligent move with minimal sleep. I’m pretty sure that big gouge on my right shin should heal in the next week, and it didn’t seem to affect the reaction times.

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If you saw the coverage of the race (I haven’t had a chance to watch it yet), now you’ll understand the title of this blog. John had more than a handful with his car, and I saw something I never thought I would: Another Funny Car trying to share my lane at 200 mph. The good news is that we didn’t make contact, nobody was the worse for wear, and we (DSR) got the win light. John did, however, get the bonus five points that come with taking out the centerline cone. Bob Szelag (aka Super Genius/Big Fan Bob) captured this sequence from the stands while shooting for National DRAGSTER, and I thank him for not dropping his camera during an intense moment.

My dad and I went to the top of the stands for the semis to hang out with the fans and check out the great view of Bristol Dragway.

Johnny, John, and “the Magnificent 7” did a great job getting a handle on the track for the second round, but watching Tim Wilkerson drive away from me cemented the fact that this wasn’t going to be our day. We stayed in the top five for the points, but things are starting to get pretty serious. Del Worsham won his second race in a row, Ashley broke the tie with us by qualifying number one, and Wilkie appears to have a handle on his hot rod once again. It’s going to be tough to stay in the top five (even the top 10) without a couple of more race wins, so we tested on Monday. Testing (Old English for, “spending money hand over fist”) has to be used very wisely this year, not just for the economics but also due to the four test day maximum instituted by NHRA this year. This was our first, and we took full advantage by making five runs (which makes for a very long day for the guys on the crew) and trying clutch and blower parts. Though we didn’t necessarily set the place on fire, we did make three decent laps and learn several things about the car.

Me and Shirl Greer (I'm the cute one on the left)

America's not-so-most-wanted

Aside from the on-track activities, my weekend at Bristol had plenty of other notables: I again participated in the track’s two autograph sessions, one for the VIP ticket purchasers and one for all fans. I also took part in the Saturday press conference for Valvoline, where they announced a contract extension with Don Schumacher Racing. One look at the quality drivers who are sidelined this year due to lack of funding and you can really appreciate how big a deal this was to have some security for the next two years and beyond. I also was able to get my picture taken with the 1974 Funny Car champion, Shirl Greer. I knew that he was being honored as the Grand Marshall (Old Western for, “sure, you can stand on the starting line for the first round”), but I didn’t know where to find him (not that he was lost). When I heard Bob Frey announce his name at the end of Sunday morning’s driver intros, I quickly doubled back with my camera to capture a moment that means a lot to me. 35 years ago Shirl was “the dude” in AA/FC for the NHRA, and I’d love to be the team that gets it done this year. Also, in addition to my dad and Bill hanging out all weekend, I had several folks from Cumberland (my dad’s hometown) make the drive over. My cousin Mike came down with his friend Kenny and Kenny’s son Kevin. Wayne Hudson, daughter Debbie Powell, and her husband Jim (hardcore fans) were there as well. And, Dennis and Charlie Kincaid also showed up. I got a photo of all of us together for posterity (not to be confused with “posterior”, which of course is the opposite of “anterior”, and slightly behind “medial”). Too bad we couldn’t get Shirl back for another photo! Speaking of photos, I also got to meet the renowned, distinguished, and legendary (all English for, “bad-ass”) lensman, Steve Reyes, one of the greatest drag race photographers ever. We got to chat several times throughout the weekend, and Bill (who used to be partners on a Top Fuel car with Ed Mabry and Chip Woodall) got to reminisce (Turkish for, “make stuff up that never happened”) with Steve about the “good old days”.

I've seen better quality photos of UFO's taken in the '70's!

Since we tested on Monday, I obviously wasn’t going to make my original flight home. To purchase another from the same airport would have cost Don $1,000, but my frugality (Russian for, “cheap bastard”) wouldn’t permit me to spend that. My dad and Bill suggested that I ride with them to Nashville and catch a flight out from there. At $319 I think my boss will be much happier, and I got to spend more time with Pops. On the way, we stopped in Knoxville and had dinner (Cracker Barrel if you’re keeping track) with Kevin Johnson and his wife Sandy. Kevin rented a room and lived with us 30 years ago, and I hadn’t seen him in nearly that amount of time. It really is a small world.

The best thing about getting home (other than seeing Jenna and Jason, of course) was that the carb needle and seats for my Yamaha were waiting for me… finally! They’re in, but I’ve been so busy I haven’t been able to put the carbs back on the bike yet. Hell, I’m not sure I remember which end goes to the engine and which to the airbox anymore, but that question won’t get answered for another week or so. We have twice driven out to Norco to again look at houses, and we put another bid in today on a nice one. We’ll see what happens, but I’m definitely not getting emotional over it. The emotion will probably come if we do get it and the first mortgage payment arrives in the mail.

We head out for Charlotte today (Friday) for what should be an awesome weekend. I haven’t been to a NASCAR race in over 30 years, but Full Throttle has invited all three of us to be their guests for the Coca-Cola 600 this weekend. We will get to do many behind-the-scenes activities, and will participate in a couple of press conferences with fellow NHRA competitors Eddie Krawiec and Brandon Bernstein. I’ll try to get some photos for the next blog, and I sure hope those guys stay out of each other’s lanes. On second thought, draft away… just leave the windows down and the parachutes at home!

Stay tuned.