Call it lack of “artistic inspiration,” “writer’s block,” or just plain laziness. Truth is, I haven’t felt very “blogsy” lately (I know, not a real word. Come to think of it, “blog” shouldn’t be a real word either, so conjugating a make-believe word shouldn’t be a crime). I blame it on my illness. No, not the disease that causes one to overuse quotation marks, I don’t think I have “that one” (get it?). I’ve been thinking that I must suffer from Epstein-Barr, or perhaps a have Chronic-Fatigue-Syndrome-Light/Unleaded. Would you believe Adult Onset Mononucleosis? I just want my remote and a glass of lemonade.

And just who was it that made up all of these words in the English language? If I’m a Procrastinator, does that make Dan Fletcher a Sportsmancrastinator when he puts things off? And just when I thought I was getting a handle on how to use prefixes, along came the exceptions. Take for instance the prefix that means “not,” or “opposite of” (there I go with the quotationitis again — yeah, I made that one up, too). If one is not moral, they are immoral, but something that isn’t balanced is asymmetrical. If someone lost their marbles (I’m being euphemistic), they’re insane, but when someone just isn’t nice, we’d call them uncool. All of this seems counter-intuitive, irrational, nonsensical, and disjointed. I don’t even want to get started on con- and il-, so I’ll just drop it.

I’ll give you a synopsis of Phoenix. We took the motorhome out and arrived early to do some appearances. The first was at the Gila River Casino across from the track. Force, Capps, Matt Hagen, Spencer Massey, and I all signed for the fans. I then headed back over to the track, picked up Rodger and Karen Comstock, and went over to the MTS terminal for a visit. This marked the first time that the MTS show car was displayed, and the employees and customers really seemed to like it. We also presented the terminal with a copy of the Wally that we won last year. Each time we win a national event, we present the local terminal with a trophy, and we’d sure like to do a whole lot more of that this year! (Note: I remember reading recently that a Wally weighs 12 pounds. Since Jason was crying to hold one of the trophies today, I decided to check for myself. A divisional Wally is 4.6 to 5.4 pounds, and the Nationals are 9.2 to 9.7 pounds. No, I didn’t weigh every single one, but it puzzled me that they range that much. Perhaps I’m not feeding mine enough).

Speaking of trophies, I was presented with a special plaque by Jim and Pam Eshelman, former students of mine at the Hawley School. They commemorated my second round starting line prowess at Pomona with a memento that I won’t forget. The writing on the bottom reads, “Not an option tour ’09”. You just can’t buy friends like that!

My Air Force friend Peter Dahlberg, my building engineer buddy Steve Morgeson, and my PhD chum Andrew Keech came out to cheer me on as well.

We didn’t go very far on our first qualifying run, but we sure looked good the next three, running a 4.12 and two 4.14s. Though that only put us 11th, we were fast on both runs Saturday and felt good about our chances against Tony Pedregon Sunday. We were the only right lane car first round to win without smoking the tires, and our 4.07 was a pretty stout lap. In the second round, Tim Wilkerson was kind enough to drop a couple of cylinders and move way over towards the wall in his lane, but I could only watch and hope he didn’t hit anything (we like Tim too much) as tire smoke spelled the end of our day.

It’s strange to get the season underway, and then have to take a 2½ week break before Gainesville. I’m really ready to get out there and get our first win of the year. I’ve even been practicing. …

Last Saturday I headed up to Bakersfield and got to make a lap in Lee Paul Jennings’ nostalgia Funny Car. Lee’s wife, Lisa, is putting on the “Funny Car Fever” race in Sacramento April 24-25, and they asked if I would drive their car. The Bakersfield trip was just to get a lap in the car so we’re all acclimated once we get to the race. I have spoken to Lee Jennings Sr. several times when he used to run an A/Fuel dragster, and those guys have the absolute best equipment available. What a nice opportunity to drive a first-class car with a great group of folks! My run was a planned 1000-footer (I suppose that should seem natural to me now). At about 125 feet, the car started to rattle, so I pedaled it. I shifted (I had to remind myself TO shift as the NHRA car’s are high-gear only) near 600 feet and clicked it just past 1,000. I figured it would run about a 6.40 or so. How about a 6.07? Lee Sr. has quite a tune-up in that thing, and we should be tough in Sacramento.

It’s nice having so many friends who race, so someone I know is usually going to the late rounds at every race. Rodger went several rounds in Phoenix, but the hottest Comstock was Karen, lasting until the fourth round Sunday. Right now, she has Jenna’s dragster engine in her Super Gas ’57, and with the help of Dick Vander Meer and Glenn Kern has got it dialed in nicely. She also went three rounds the next weekend, and Rodger ran a stout 7.06 running in Top Dragster. I guess I should mention that Karen’s first two runs were 10.66 and 10.69, but once Dick figured out that Jenna’s engine has a 4-7 camshaft swap (hence a different firing order), and Karen’s distributor was set up for the standard Chevy, we suddenly picked up three-quarters of a second! So, if you want your race car to run much faster, just swap the 4 and 7 plug wires … it worked for us.

In terms of being tough, perhaps the hottest racer in the country right now is my buddy Thomas Bayer. He’s been in the final round every race this year, with two Super Comp wins and a Super Gas runner-up. In fact, his win in Phoenix at the divisional was against my surf partner, Rich Camou. Rich drives one of Tom’s cars, so that was a big deal for both. Congrats to them.

Since there hasn’t been much surf, it’s been a bit boring at home. Sure, I did visit Dr. Chapple, my drummer/dentist to get that chip fixed, but a visit to the dentist doesn’t rank way up on my “fun meter.” Oops, there’s more quotation usage. Jenna and I have looked at lots of homes, but again, not exactly my definition of fun. In fact, I would say it’s afun, infun, counterfun, nonfun, and disfun.

I voted. Yeah, you’re right … not much fun.

I did a couple of interviews and radio spots, and that was pretty cool. I did a conference call with the MTS folks about our Mail from Home program, and that was cool. I got a phone call from THE Jack Jones last week, and that was way cool. But perhaps the coolest thing I did was answer the door Tuesday night. Bob Muravez, aka “Floyd Lippencotte Jr.” came over to chat. Bob won the ’63 Winternats and was always a hitter, as well as being the most well-known shoe of one of the most iconic cars in drag racing, the Freight Train (I just couldn’t bring myself to use the quotation key again, it’s getting worn out). Bob has been a Maytag repairman (I’m not kidding you, or should I say I’m inkidding) forever. He started at 10 with his father, and here he is 61 years later still enjoying his job! He’s been in the homes of some of the most famous people to reside in Southern California and has some great stories. More importantly, though, he is a wonderful person with great insight and advice. I’ve gone over to his and Sharon’s house for a Super Bowl party and had a lot of fun. Sharon was once a Ram’s cheerleader, so yaay Bob!

I still have a tough time grasping all of the legendary folks that I have been able to meet through racing. To me, these are the Mantles, DiMaggios, Gehrigs, and Ruths of our sport, and to hang out and listen to them is just magical to me. I even spent time with Art Chrisman and Gary Beck while up at Bakersfield. Someone pinch me before I chip another tooth! I can’t get enough of this sport, and I am so incredibly lucky to be where I am.

Here's one of Jason playing with snow balls in the pits at Pomona. The snow came from the Cannon's place in nearby Wrightwood. This was about as exciting as it got considering the weather.....truly a Winternationals

Jason will turn 2 on Sunday, so we will have the relatives over to celebrate. We just bought this huge bounce-a-roo at Toys-R-Us (wow, that’s a lot of hyphens in one sentence!) and Jenna really wanted me to set it up in the living room last night so Jason could have some fun. He’s been running a temperature lately, and I hope it’s just from his last molars coming in. So, aside from the fact that it probably isn’t prudent to do strenuous exercise with a fever (after all, you could develop Epstein-Barr, or even a case of un-in-con-a-counter-il-non-dis-association, which sounds serious), I don’t think Jenna has a firm grasp on basic physics. I learned in eighth grade that two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time, and Jenna obviously doesn’t know what 12’ x 9’ (the dimensions of Jason’s new toy) looks like. Once I illustrated to her that the available space in our living room is roughly 11 ½’ x 8’, I think she understood. Unfortunately, that just gives her more ammunition to move us into a bigger house, which could prove financially insound, or is that consound? Whatever.

I am flying back home Sunday morning to celebrate the little man’s big day. Saturday I will be in Alamogordo, New Mexico, at Holloman Air Force Base. No, I haven’t re-enlisted; I will be giving a speech at their annual awards banquet and maintenance seminar. The squadron commander, Anthony Puente, was an enlisted man back when we served together. It’s wild how many of my fellow soldiers I have re-established contact with after all of these years. Just last week I spoke with Tammy Howe for the first time in 15 years. She and I actually dated more than 20 years ago, when I was 7 (that’s funny). She is going to try to come to the Dallas race and bring her kids. It’s a neat feeling to locate so many friends from a long time ago.

That’s it for now. And just remember that putting an “a” in front of “hole” doesn’t mean the same thing as “not a whole.” Be careful with your newfound language skills, and stay tuned!